to wordpress! orayt? because i think blogdrive is tooo boring. hahahaha..


kidding. :) i'm just moving. on my birthday, will be the birth of my new blog. and i will be happy.

AMEN.

i don't know why i feel so frustrated but apparently i am. i've been crushing on this guy for months now, and usually i get what i want. now the thing is, this guy is different. he is this super nice guy, like cut-throat nice but he wouldn't go out with me. it's okay to be turned down once, but TWICE? (for me??) it's different man. you see, the moment i saw this guy i knew i had this unconscious thing for him. and now that i've realized that i REALLY do want him, i'm kinda trying to get out of my way just to get him. but i can't because he wouldn't let me.

come on. is it really that hard to like me? i've been freaking out since the time i woke up this morning. i texted him and usually he would reply, but fellas, there's not even a blank message from him!

i know we are the exact opposite but opposites attract right? unless we have the same taste for romance... (i mean, maybe he also like men..) haha. but kidding aside, i think he wouldn't like me because i drink and he doesn't.. i smoke and he doesn't.. i love coffee and he fucking loves praline mocha and everything else that doesn't have caffeine in them!

this is soooo f*cking frustrating.

now i don't even know why i like him soooo much. (not so much though, but i'd really like to go out with him)

and i'm slacking off my paper/school work just because im busy ranting about how he wouldnt fucking like me!


i'm not mad. i'm just a bit stressed and freaked out and withdrawing from nicotine. i'm perfectly okay. i'm perfect. i'm okay.



whatever. but i still can't get him to like me.

with myself and with life. :)
[bear with me if i may sound too mushy, i'm not usually like this]

-------------------------------------------------

and the sun started to rise

above, and over, light sweeping through my face.
and the prolonged agony of waiting
for the night to fade to dawn
for the darkness be filled with your glory
is done, over, done, as you speak.

while we move our bodies

we remain motionless, and emotionless,
but that lack overflowed with you.
i am filled with you, inside and out.
inside me you are whole, we are one,
and without you, my life will still move on
as the embrace lasts for another second

you hold me, until i sleep.

-------------------------------------------------

due to lack of rest. :)

let's talk about Beh Sci


I'm happy with my course, I am. I don't mind about the toxicity because I love what I'm learning about. All the things that I learned here, I'll never forget. There's just something about the people. I don't know. Maybe, I'm just not like them. I really don't understand myself. Maybe I want to get away from them. Maybe I prefer to be with other people than with them. But no. I can't because I can't leave my course.


What's the problem? I don't know. I dont understand. them. myself. everyone. (emo. hahahaha)


Anyhoo, Beh Sci week is done. All the trouble in preparation (which I was barely part of), and the free days for the batch presentation(which we didn't prepare for) is over.

Am I glad to say that? Hahaha. NOT. Because that would only mean that we have to go back in real life, acads, deadlines, papers, exams. That's how we roll, y'know.

Still, I don't think I'll be leaving Beh Sci. Not in this entire life. (well, after I graduate then) hahaha.

friday night.

i can't remember anything. the only thing i know is that Saturday morning came too fast, and my mind can't rest. what i did, and what i said, i can't remember.

i smile. i say i'm okay. i say i don't know what happened. but i know otherwise.

Maybe my friend is right, unless i find peace, and i get the rest i need, i won't be happy. Maybe I am happy, but not the kind that would make me feel satisfied.

I get bored, I feel tired, but I am happy.

Maybe it's about time I think of my own happiness.

I'm tuned in to Mo Twister's radio show and they're talking about lame break up reasons. then suddenly, I thought of the reason why I broke up with my exboyfriends. I had 3 boyfriends, 1 not so serious and the other 2, hmm, pwede na(uhh, and yeah, I broke up with all of them) the lamest would probably be the one where I broke up with the guy and I told him that I wanted to focus on my studies(lamest excuse ever) but truth is I just wanted to hook up with another guy. Now that's me being the bitch me. Then I got together with the second one(the reason, real reason, why I broke up with the first one). Guy 2 is my first serious boyfriend. We broke up twice. The first time we broke up, I think it's because I started to get bored. And dumped him. after 2 months, I started going out again. this time, with my bestfriend. Haha. Anyway, he courted me(sorta), then we got together. Our relationship lasted for 2 months. Then I broke up with him, to go back to Guy 2. Hahaha. I was really complicated then, maybe more of being a b. But yeah, Guy 2 was my man. The second time we broke up, I was really pissed off with him. I don't know. It was not lame, but it was a really really bad break up. Not that there is a third party, not that kind. He's not the type of guy who does that, but maybe, unconsciously, there is a third party. That's why I hate the bestfriends of my boyfriends. Hahahahaha.

for the same reason i did before.

i will.

i simply can't be happy for you.