life lover

i'm moving

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 08:43:39 GMT

to wordpress! orayt? because i think blogdrive is tooo boring. hahahaha..

kidding. :) i'm just moving. on my birthday, will be the birth of my new blog. and i will be happy.

AMEN.

i am strange but i am beautiful, or am i?

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 07:32:32 GMT

i don't know why i feel so frustrated but apparently i am. i've been crushing on this guy for months now, and usually i get what i want. now the thing is, this guy is different. he is this super nice guy, like cut-throat nice but he wouldn't go out with me. it's okay to be turned down once, but TWICE? (for me??) it's different man. you see, the moment i saw this guy i knew i had this unconscious thing for him. and now that i've realized that i REALLY do want him, i'm kinda trying to get out of my way just to get him. but i can't because he wouldn't let me.

come on. is it really that hard to like me? i've been freaking out since the time i woke up this morning. i texted him and usually he would reply, but fellas, there's not even a blank message from him!

i know we are the exact opposite but opposites attract right? unless we have the same taste for romance... (i mean, maybe he also like men..) haha. but kidding aside, i think he wouldn't like me because i drink and he doesn't.. i smoke and he doesn't.. i love coffee and he fucking loves praline mocha and everything else that doesn't have caffeine in them!

this is soooo f*cking frustrating.

now i don't even know why i like him soooo much. (not so much though, but i'd really like to go out with him)

and i'm slacking off my paper/school work just because im busy ranting about how he wouldnt fucking like me!

i'm not mad. i'm just a bit stressed and freaked out and withdrawing from nicotine. i'm perfectly okay. i'm perfect. i'm okay.

whatever. but i still can't get him to like me.

i'm too in love

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 04:32:22 GMT

with myself and with life. :)
[bear with me if i may sound too mushy, i'm not usually like this]

-------------------------------------------------

and the sun started to rise

above, and over, light sweeping through my face.
and the prolonged agony of waiting
for the night to fade to dawn
for the darkness be filled with your glory
is done, over, done, as you speak.

while we move our bodies

we remain motionless, and emotionless,
but that lack overflowed with you.
i am filled with you, inside and out.
inside me you are whole, we are one,
and without you, my life will still move on
as the embrace lasts for another second

you hold me, until i sleep.

-------------------------------------------------

due to lack of rest. :)

it's been a while

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 03:25:55 GMT

let's talk about Beh Sci

I'm happy with my course, I am. I don't mind about the toxicity because I love what I'm learning about. All the things that I learned here, I'll never forget. There's just something about the people. I don't know. Maybe, I'm just not like them. I really don't understand myself. Maybe I want to get away from them. Maybe I prefer to be with other people than with them. But no. I can't because I can't leave my course.

What's the problem? I don't know. I dont understand. them. myself. everyone. (emo. hahahaha)

Anyhoo, Beh Sci week is done. All the trouble in preparation (which I was barely part of), and the free days for the batch presentation(which we didn't prepare for) is over.

Am I glad to say that? Hahaha. NOT. Because that would only mean that we have to go back in real life, acads, deadlines, papers, exams. That's how we roll, y'know.

Still, I don't think I'll be leaving Beh Sci. Not in this entire life. (well, after I graduate then) hahaha.

one night and one more time

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 05:15:42 GMT

friday night.

i can't remember anything. the only thing i know is that Saturday morning came too fast, and my mind can't rest. what i did, and what i said, i can't remember.

i smile. i say i'm okay. i say i don't know what happened. but i know otherwise.

Maybe my friend is right, unless i find peace, and i get the rest i need, i won't be happy. Maybe I am happy, but not the kind that would make me feel satisfied.

I get bored, I feel tired, but I am happy.

Maybe it's about time I think of my own happiness.

lame break up reasons

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:30:26 GMT

I'm tuned in to Mo Twister's radio show and they're talking about lame break up reasons. then suddenly, I thought of the reason why I broke up with my exboyfriends. I had 3 boyfriends, 1 not so serious and the other 2, hmm, pwede na(uhh, and yeah, I broke up with all of them) the lamest would probably be the one where I broke up with the guy and I told him that I wanted to focus on my studies(lamest excuse ever) but truth is I just wanted to hook up with another guy. Now that's me being the bitch me. Then I got together with the second one(the reason, real reason, why I broke up with the first one). Guy 2 is my first serious boyfriend. We broke up twice. The first time we broke up, I think it's because I started to get bored. And dumped him. after 2 months, I started going out again. this time, with my bestfriend. Haha. Anyway, he courted me(sorta), then we got together. Our relationship lasted for 2 months. Then I broke up with him, to go back to Guy 2. Hahaha. I was really complicated then, maybe more of being a b. But yeah, Guy 2 was my man. The second time we broke up, I was really pissed off with him. I don't know. It was not lame, but it was a really really bad break up. Not that there is a third party, not that kind. He's not the type of guy who does that, but maybe, unconsciously, there is a third party. That's why I hate the bestfriends of my boyfriends. Hahahahaha.

if i may cry tonight

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:42:11 GMT

for the same reason i did before.

i will.

i simply can't be happy for you.

too much caffeine

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:58:32 GMT

that's why i'm still up right now.

huhu.

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo careless. :(

i left my phone at the commuter van. Helllloooooooooo. Come to think of it, we left at the gate of our subdivision, I was holding my phone while I was sleeping, and because I was in a verrrrrrrrrrry deep sleep, I might have forgotten that I was holding something. My bad. For the second time this year, I might change my cellphone number again. Damn. I hope this will be the last.

Anyway, my day is really awful. Sad. Awful. Whatever

I finished my Psych Scale today. I'm done with the statistics and everything, all I needed to do was print my output and submit it to my professor. Come 5pm.

I was so desperate, so I went to Netopia at Robinson's Place, Ermita. My output turned out to have 28 pages. Printing was worth 8 pesos per page. Expensive, compared to Alva's rate which is 3 pesos per page. Plus, if ever I had them print my output, it will take more than 10 minutes to print all those pages, and pay for them at the cashier.

5:15, it took the technician more than 5 minutes to scan the file, preview it at the excel, and eventually I decided to not print it anymore.

Disappointed, yes, but I'm glad I'm done with it.

Grandma's confined at the Makati Medical Center for Pneumonia. After my meeting with my sisses, I went to MMC. Thanks to Mama Bern for sending me off to the hospital.

Nanang(grandma) is now better. Her temperature is lower and hopefully she'll be released by today if her fever doesn't go back.

I actually had fun at the hospital. First of all, I got to bond with my Tito and Tita, who I haven't seen for a veeeeeeeeeeeeery long time now. Second, my baby cousin was there too! So we just played whooooole night long until the time they sent us to the Shaw.

Today, I actually did miss this very oddly special person for no apparent reason. Idk, maybe because I haven't seen him for days, and I'm just so used to see him everyday after our classes. :) It's a good feeling, and I'm happy. (not that I have an actual "someone" right now, but because of the fact that I can still feel like this for another person)

Realization: I am quitting. Haha. Seriously. My goal is that by August 20th, I'll be able to live without the need for nicotine. I can do this. I have lived my life without it and I can do it again this time. I'll just take it slowly. I'm really scared about the effect of getting used to it and then quitting suddenly. I just hope the following months wouldn't be as stressful as the previous ones.

(and I won't take stress as an excuse to smoke)

starting today, I have a quota of 5 sticks per day. I just have to maximize it. haha. I had one stick just now, so I only 4 until the end of August 2nd.

It's all about deep inner strength.

:)

whatever happened to the simple life i wished for

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 03:27:50 GMT

wuh. right now, i'm intoxicated with all my acads issues. i've been online since last night and well, i'm proud to say that i have accomplished something. I'm done with my Psychological scale, it is now up for judging(paper is due tomorrow), then after judging i'll start with the statistics, YAY! I have more than 20 sources for the Review of Related Literature of my thesis proposal. I'm so happy.

However, complicated is the new status quo. Why? I don't know. I should've finished these assignments eons ago had I not been too busy uncomplicating my already complicated life. (i dont think uncomplicating is a right term) anyway, there, I feel like everything is falling into places.

I'm happy and sad. I'm happy because everything is going well except for my social life, that is why I'm sad. I miss my friends.

Especially this one friend I have.. I don't know. For no apparent reason we drifted apart, again. It's my fault, I guess. I let him go. And I know things wouldn't ever be the same for the both of us.

I miss the people who know me more than anybody else. I know I've been stuck for quite a long time, but I'm reaching out. I miss myself. Haha.

For the past few months, I know a lot has changed about me. I'm not the same person I was before, but I know I changed for the better. I did some mistakes but those mistakes doesn't define my person. They only made me stronger.

My blog is sooooooooo incoherent I don't even know what I'm talking about..

anyway, back to acads mode. Last night, we had a reporting about Imperialism. Hahaha. anddddd I think my group's report was the best. Hahahaha. I read about it only that day and I know my groupmates weren't prepared too, but we pulled it off. Go Family! _____________________________________
My mom is not home, and I'm alone.
Doing acads stuff. and it feels good. hahaha. :)

stomach ache

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 18:44:36 GMT

your closet is no bigger than your balls to admit that you are locked in.

well, that's okay because i am as well locked in. not in a closet, like you, but in a wall where no one is allowed to get through.

but man! c'mon, life is more than just the walls of whatever is keeping yourself in. Go out. Live your life, you chose it.

You make your own life, whatever they say, whatever they do, it wouldn't matter if you wouldn't let them change you. You can only change yourself, and gauge to what extent, and as to how you're gonna do it.

as for me, i'd like to do it drastically. with the blink of an eye, change one situation to another. change somebody else's destiny and change what i am meant to be.

it's hard to be somehow lost in confusion when you don't know what you are confused about.
i'm not making sense.

go to sleep.